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  1. Help Wanted

From the recording The River Keeps on Flowing

 
Help Wanted has everyone's two favorite instruments, banjo and tuba, in the same song! A tongue in cheek kinda tune that takes a poke at modern employment opportunities. Written back in the dot com era, it's come around again now after the 2008 economic crash. I was desperate for work and rather than relying on my own gut instincts, I picked up a local employment newspaper. Nearly all the words in this song came directly from the ads in that paper. No kidding! I couldn't believe how much these corporations and employers were asking for people to do for so little compensation. I'm sure that everyone out there has had to look for a job before and run across this sort of thing, I just put it down into a novelty song to shine a light on it.

Lyrics

HELP WANTED  Casey Garland
 
We are a growth-oriented company,
expanding markets internationally.
Recent acquisitions have made stock swell,
creating a need for some new personnel.
 
We seek motivated people,  creative and dynamic,
out-going,  enthusiastic,  not given to panic.
Who will thrive on challenge and remain content
in this fast-paced,  changing environment.
_______________________________________________
We need  career minded,  goal setting achievers
who can work with politicians and civic leaders.
Must be neat, clean cut with personality,
Employment drug screening is mandatory.
 
Job duties include, but aren't limited to:
strategic forecasting with a long range view.
Conceptual estimating and component selection,
production line driving and virus detection.
 
You got to identify hyper critical junctions,
coordinate groups and maintain support functions.
Troubleshootin' system architecture is required
Knowledge of accounting is also desired.
__________________________________________________________
Now overtime's essential and computer degree
eager to work nights independently.
Interpreting key indicators is a must.
Fluent foreign language is also a plus.
 
You need people skills for corporate representation
Candidates must have their own transportation.
No absence is permitted for paternity
You may have to fly out and head overseas.
_______________________________________________
Starts at eight bucks an hour but have no fear,
Ten is easily obtained after only a year.
If you have a good voice,  keen eye for detail,
smoking is permitted, if you don't inhale.
 
We offer a $100. sign up bonus,
and early retirement when you join with us.
One week's vacation granted annually,
don't miss this exceptional opportunity.
_______________________________________________
If you feel your interest and experience are compatible with our requirements,
please fax, e-mail or upload your resume for consideration. 
 
 
Copyright 2000 Casey Garland